On the Down Low

Tonight I was told that I’m too caught up in a boy, that I have no concept of time, that I have no plan. I was told that what my boyfriend and I have together isn’t going to last forever. I was also told something to the effect that I am a whore. Usually if this was someone from school or around my age I wouldn’t give a single fuck. So what makes this person different? 

This person was my dad.

“You act as if you don’t see each other everyday! There’s always tomorrow!”

There is no time like the present in my mind and you never know what may happen. People my age die all the time. We go missing. We drink too much. We OD. We drink and drive. We aren’t invincible. NONE of us are. So I don’t see what’s so wrong with living like there’s no tomorrow, because, quiet frankly, there might not be. No one can predict when someone is going to die. They can get close, but are never certain.

And as far as my relationship not lasting forever, who is he to pass judgement on me? The only person who can judge me is God. I won’t let this relationship die because when you love someone it means you don’t give up. You keep trying and working at everything no matter what. I’m never giving up. 

To meet Andrew Desjardins right the fuck now! It’s killing me! D:

I could move out already. Fucking stupid ass parents.

If you are going to offer help and be a complete and utter bitch about it later when first off, 1) the person doesn’t want your fucking help to begin with and 2) is going through a hard time the DON’T OFFER YOUR FUCKING HELP, BITCH!
You act all fucking religious, which is fake as hell, and ask people to pray for you, which btw is an insult to Jesus Christ himself, and then you go ahead and act stuck up about the time you helped someone when the real Christian/Catholic way is offering help because you genuinely want to help them. How dare you ask people to pray to God our mighty father and savior to heal you when you can’t even be nice to other people and can’t even give help without being selfish. It seems you can’t do anything but ask people, I’m sorry, people is too broad. When you can’t do anything but ask GUYS to do things for you. It’s one thing for me to sit here and watch you use the people around me, but how dare you try to use our Savior to cure your disgusting being. That is where I draw the line. Try practicing what you ask for and actually pray to God and instead of praying for yourself, thank Him for everything He’s given you and blessed you with. Because He helped your ass get an abortion when He’s against it.

You bitch about me not saying thank you? I bet you’ve never once thanked anyone genuinely. I bet you’ve never thanked God for making you better all the times you were sick or the time you got pregnant. I bet you’ve never thanked your friends for actually being your friends. I bet you’ve never in your life thanked your boyfriend, whom you completely mistreat btw, for being there for you in every aspect of your life. I bet you’ve never thanked anyone and meant it. I told you thank you and you can’t fucking take it because you’re mad at me for no reason. You’re holding all of this over my head and I’m beating myself up over it. Why? Because I’m a better person and I actually feel compassion. I’m sorry to say, I can’t pray for you, because I don’t ask God for anything anymore, especially to help a terrible person who only wants to use Him.

People like you make me sick. Literally and figuratively. People like you made me suicidal in middle school and the last three years of high school. Once I pay you back, you better leave me alone so that I can get better again. Thanks for causing me to relapse. I hope you’re fucking proud of yourself and manners.

I have never had something so set in my mind before to the point where I’m really considering taking the actual actions to do it. I want to leave my home more than anything because my family just doesn’t know how to get along. Once someone’s hurt, they have to hurt everyone in the process. Why? Because they feel the need to and it makes them feel better. I hate living here. I always have because I get treated like a little kid. Especially now more than ever. I’m 18 fucking years old and they treat me like I’m 5. Fuck living here.
Fuck their rules.
Fuck parents.
Fuck their unnecessary comments about me having sex. It happened and they need to get over it. It was with one fucking person. It’s not like I slept with the whole school unlike some people I know. Just wtf.